Saturday, April 18, 2015

13 Weirdest Horror Movie Murder Weapons

When you think of classic horror movie weapons, the chainsaw probably springs to mind – and it’s a good choice: a reliable weapon capable of causing some serious carnage. Whether you’re battling the Evil Dead or simply trying to kill a group of teenagers while wearing a mask made of human skin, it will seemingly always come through for you. But what do you do when you don’t have such an obvious weapon to hand? Answer: you get creative, as with enough imagination pretty much anything can do the trick. Here’s a list of some of the most bizarre weapons ever used in horror movies. You’ll never look at random objects in the same way again.

Image: Youtube/extwig
Image: YouTube/extwig

13. Corn on the Cob – Sleepwalkers (1992)

In Mick Garris and Stephen King’s 1992 horror Sleepwalkers, bizarre vampire werecat-type creatures Charles Brady (played by Brian Krause) and his mom Mary (portrayed by Alice Krige) get by on sucking the life force from virgins. As you do. So Mary doesn’t take it well when her son appears to start falling in love with one of their potential victims. After Mary is rumbled by local police officer Deputy Horace (played by Monty Bane), she resorts to stabbing him in the back with a corncob, before coolly delivering the line, “No vegetables, no dessert.” It’s not a particularly gory death, but what it lacks in blood and guts, it more than makes up for with creativity. Just don’t question whether or not it’s even remotely physically plausible.

Image: Youtube/tmoe47988
Image: YouTube/Tmoe47988

12. Basketball – Deadly Friend (1986)

Next up, we’ve got Wes Craven-directed 1986 sci-fi horror, Deadly Friend. After his love interest Samantha Pringle (played by Kristy Swanson) passes away after being on life support, Paul Conway (played by Matthew Labyorteaux) steals her corpse, implants microchips into her brain and reanimates her. However, the procedure is less than entirely successful, and before Paul knows it, Samantha has become an out-of-control killing machine who’s now apparently strong enough to cave in the face of unpleasant neighbor Elvira Parker (portrayed by Anne Ramsey) with the throw of a standard basketball. After her head explodes all over the room, Elvira’s headless body staggers around gruesomely before finally collapsing on the floor.

Image: Youtube/movieclips
Image: YouTube/movieclips

11. Pogo Stick – Leprechaun (1993)

In 1993’s Leprechaun, Warwick Davis’ titular creature is mistakenly set free from imprisonment by Ozzie Jones (played by Mark Holton), who takes the mythical Irish creature’s much-prized gold to a pawnshop. Big mistake. In a truly bizarre scene, the leprechaun ultimately kills the pawnshop owner by bouncing up and down on his chest with a pogo stick while reciting his own variation on a nursery rhyme. According to Davis, the Mark Jones-directed film was initially intended to be aimed at children, until the studio decided it would make a better adult horror movie and upped the bloodshed levels. Even so, the kids’ toys and nursery rhymes remain as creepy features.

Image: Youtube/thexxxrob
Image: YouTube/TheXXXRob

10. Cell Phone – See No Evil (2006)

Directed by Gregory Dark, 2006 horror flick See No Evil tells the tale of eye-collecting psychopath Jacob Goodnight, portrayed by WWE wrestler Glenn “Kane” Jacobs. Goodnight lives in an abandoned hotel, and when a group of delinquents arrives to clean the place up in exchange for having their prison sentences shortened, he doesn’t react well to the intrusion. In retaliation, Goodnight starts killing off members of the group one by one. In one scene, after searching for obligatory horror blonde Zoe Warner (played by Rachael Taylor), Goodnight leaves the room empty-handed. Unfortunately for Zoe, her cell phone goes off. The deranged psychopath drags Zoe out of the wardrobe she was hiding in and kills her by forcing the phone down her throat. Good call.

Image: Youtube/warnerbrosonline
Image: YouTube/WarnerBrosOnline

9. Hearing Aid – Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)

Ricky Dean Logan’s character Carlos has his hearing aid replaced by a living parasitic device in 1991’s Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, the sixth instalment in the Nightmare on Elm Street series. Such a device could still be useful, you might think, albeit a little strange. However, the vicious Freddy Krueger (portrayed by Robert Englund) encounters Carlos armed with a chalkboard and his iconic glove. If you thought the sound of nails scraping a chalkboard was bad, try some blades being dragged across the same surface – with the volume turned up to 11. This method of torture quickly gives Carlos a nosebleed, which is swiftly followed by an eyebleed. The evil Freddy won’t let up, though, and moments later, Carlos’ head explodes, leaving Krueger to quip, “Nice hearing from ya, Carlos!”

Image: Youtube/natophotoshop
Image: YouTube/natophotoshop

8. Tanning Bed – Final Destination 3 (2006)

The health risks associated with tanning beds are well documented – yet being barbecued is not usually considered one of them. In James Wong’s 2006 movie Final Destination 3, a group of friends narrowly escape death in a roller coaster disaster. However, the survivors start dying in a series of grisly “accidents.” For Ashley Freund (played by Chelan Simmons) and Ashlyn Halperin (played by Crystal Lowe) a visit to the tanning salon proves to be their undoing after condensation drips onto the electrics of the sunbeds they’re in, causing the heat level to start climbing. This isn’t necessarily a problem – until, that is, the air-con blows over a hat stand, starting a chain reaction that results in the lids of the beds getting jammed shut by a shelf, trapping the girls inside. As the heat soars to intolerable levels, the beds’ bulbs explode, showering the duo with razor-sharp shards, before the whole thing bursts into flames, burning them to a crisp. And that’s why tanning beds are dangerous, kids.

Image: Youtube/filmgeekandmrpenguin
Image: YouTube/FilmGeekAndMRPenguin

7. Lawnmower – Dead Alive (1992)

Years before he directed the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Peter Jackson made brilliant 1992 cult comedy-horror Dead Alive. The movie features more gore than an abattoir on bring-your-chainsaw-to-work day, but Jackson outdid himself with the film’s legendary lawnmower scene, pumping out five gallons of fake blood every second. With his house full of zombies, protagonist Lionel Cosgrove, (played by Timothy Balme) informs the living dead that the “party’s over,” before he fires up the deadly gardening equipment and marches through the hallway, slicing and dicing dozens of undead in a massively over-the-top orgy of blood and gore.

Image: Youtube/the Dynamic Duo
Image: YouTube/The Dynamic Duo

6. Garage Door – Scream (1996)

In Wes Craven’s 1996 film Scream, Sidney Prescott (played by Neve Campbell) and her friends are targeted by a killer with a penchant for horror movies. In one scene, the murderous Ghostface has to resort to unusual measures after taking quite a beating from Rose McGowan’s character, Tatum Riley. But as Tatum tries to escape his clutches by squeezing through the pet flap in the garage door, Ghostface activates the door’s opening mechanism, lifting her up and crushing her to death against the top of the doorway. Originally, the garage door was going to come down on the character’s head after the fight, but writer Kevin Williamson’s assistant came up with the idea of using the pet flap, and so the victim was raised into the air for a more spectacular death.

Image: Youtube/troy Olson
Image: YouTube/Troy Olson

5. Umbrella – Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)

After the demise of serial killer Billy Chapman in the first film, 1987 follow-up Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 sees Ricky Caldwell (played by Eric Freeman) decide to avenge his brother Billy’s death by killing the abusive Mother Superior of his sibling’s former orphanage. However, along the way in the Lee Harry-directed second movie there’s plenty of time for indulging in a string of murders with other “naughty” people as the victims. One such homicide involves the use of an umbrella to impale a man, and naturally the umbrella has to be opened during the slaying so that, well, it adds a bit of macabre silliness to the scene. Moments later, it begins to rain, too; cue one of the most unconvincing weather effects ever committed to film.

Image: Youtube/blueberrify
Image: YouTube/Blueberrify

4. Power Glove – Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)

Rachel Talalay’s 1991 sequel Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare is the only movie in the Nightmare on Elm Street series in which Robert Englund’s Freddy Krueger doesn’t kill anybody with his blades. However, his signature weapon does get a unique upgrade in the form of a panel attachment reminiscent of the 1989 Power Glove accessory for Nintendo’s NES console. In this case, the panel enables Krueger to control his victim as if he were a video game character. After putting drug addict Spencer (played by Breckin Meyer) through his virtual paces, Krueger throws him down the stairs and through a hole in the floor to the basement. When Spencer’s friends find him, they realize he’s stuck in a nightmare, and as heroine Tracy (played by Lezlie Deane) points out, “It’s kicking the shit out of him.”

Image: Youtube/videodrome95
Image: YouTube/Videodrome95

3. Kebab Skewer – Happy Birthday to Me (1981)

In J. Lee Thompson’s 1981 slasher movie Happy Birthday To Me, Virginia “Ginny” Wainwright (played by Melissa Sue Anderson) and Steve Maxwell (played by Matt Craven) are enjoying a romantic dinner for two when things go horribly wrong. Everyone gets nervous on a first date, but stabbing a kebab skewer into the back of your date’s throat and killing them probably isn’t the right way to deal with the anxiety. In this case, of course, nerves have nothing to do with it, as the murderer is in fact (spoiler alert) Ginny’s evil half-sister Ann Thomerson (played by Tracy Bregman) in disguise. Some of the film’s advertising posters featured the line, “John will never eat shish kebab again.” All well and good, except for the fact that the skewered victim was called Steve.

Image: Youtube/movieclips
Image: YouTube/movieclips

2. Ice Hockey Skate – Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)

Two decades after the original movie, director Steve Miner’s 1998 sequel Halloween H20: 20 Years Later reintroduces the world to everyone’s favorite hockey-masked maniac, Michael Myers, this time portrayed by Chris Durand. After checking out the house of his neighbor Marion Whittington (played by Nancy Stephens) following a break-in early on in the film, Jimmy Howell (played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt) finds nothing untoward and heads home. Unfortunately for Marion – and Jimmy – psychotic intruder Myers is still lurking about. However, when Marion runs to Jimmy’s place for help, she discovers that he’s been stabbed through the face with an ice skate. We’re not sure if it was a horrific murder or simply a Canadian cancan routine gone tragically wrong. I guess we’ll never know.

Image: Youtube/barcelospedro
Image: YouTube/BarcelosPedro

1. Barbecue – Final Destination 2 (2003)

Death himself returns to welcome another group of hapless youngsters into his outstretched arms in David R. Ellis’ 2003 supernatural horror sequel Final Destination 2. After warning Thomas (played by Michael Landes) to be careful with his kebab skewer – someone’s been watching Happy Birthday To Me – at an outdoors family barbecue, Michael (portrayed by Andrew Airlie) fails to warn Brian (played by Noel Fisher) to take care around the grill. Unfortunately for all concerned, Brian is next on Death’s list. Suddenly, the barbecue explodes, propelling Brian’s flame-grilled arm on to the table in front of his mother. Not quite the family meal she had in mind.


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